When I started thinking about creating a blog for this, I realized I would need to be pretty open about my personal dance with infertility - Something a lot of women never want to do. Then, even though it made me a little uncomfortable, I realized that is one thing that makes infertility SO difficult. Its a topic we never want to talk about, yet are dying to tell someone. It's a crazy rollercoaster of emmotions. First things first... I need to share my story. A story that does not start with a diagnosis... A story that began when babies were the LAST thing on my mind...
I was 18 years old when I met the man who is now my husband. :) We were babies. Selfish, immature, fun loving, no-stress, children. Life was easy and fun and we were along for the ride. We met at a bar (yikes) and began daiting. We had a lot of fun but eventually realized we wanted different things and parted ways.. After months of not seeing him we ran into eachother at a bar (go figure) and began reconnecting. This time I was almost 19, clearly a mature adult. He was 20 and ready to settle down. ;) Ok, so maybe not, but we did decide to give it another go and this time... it stuck! Now, looking back, I realize how crazy we were and that all of the hard stuff we've been through as a couple lead us to where we are now. I wouldn't change a thing - BUT - since this is a blog about (in)fertility I will shorten this up and give you the need-to-know information.
About 8 months after we got back together I found out I was pregnant. To say I was terrified is an understatement. I went to my mom, full out sobbing, and told her the news. She, being the amazing person she is, pulled me in told me she loved me and basically said it was time to pull up my big girl panties. ;) The next night I asked Mike to come over because there was something I needed to tell him... I spent that whole day vomitting. I'm not sure if it was nerves or morning sickness. He came over, we were sitting on the couch at my moms, and I dropped the bomb on him.
Before I hit the fast forward button, I will say, he is an AMAZING man. Always by my side, always loving, always supportive, always able to make me laugh, and to ground me. We have been through a good bit in our 8 years together and I thank God everyday for him.. even on the days I want to strangle him ;)
The first time I saw Jake was on a sonogram. He was floating in my belly, sucking his thumb. Mike and I instantly fell in love. All the worry, heartache, and questions just went away. He was our baby, and he was alive inside of me. For me, being pregnant was the most amazing time in my life. My pregnancy was awesome, no complications, no scares - delivery went well and before we knew it, we were parents. Jake has taught me more about myself than anyone ever has. He redefined my purpose in life. God knew what He was doing when He created the bond between mother and child.
So, naturally, several years later when Mike and I were ready for baby #2 we just sort of invisioned it would be so carefree and easy.. After 4 months passed with no positive tests, I began to get the feeling that something wasn't right. I went to my OB for my yearly check-up and told him that we were trying to concieve. He congratulated me, told me not stress, and sent me on my way. When 5 more months passed and still no baby, I called again. I went in to meet with him and he just basically told me to be patient. I will save my love of the word patient for another blog post but just know that isn't a word I like to hear anymore.
After praying about it, and talking to some other women I decided I wanted a 2nd opinion. A friend referred me to her OB who helped her get through "Second child infertility" so I thought I would give it a try. I met my new doctor and instanly adored her. She was concerned and interested and I felt like she genuinely cared. She ordered a bunch of test and we started looking into why "it" wasn't happening. After a few months of being poked and prodded and having my space (mmhmm) thouroughly invaded I got a diagnosis that left me feeling numb. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). She told me there were plenty of options and we began working out a plan. When I got home that day, I did something stupid. I googled PCOS. Not knowing much of anything about it I started doing internet research. Unfortunatly, a lot of my sites weren't exactly fact based. That night, Mike found my crying telling him I was going to be fat, infertile and hairy. PCOS has a lot of side effects, and effects everyone differently but basically, for whatever reason, my body yields a lot of cysts. Particulary around my ovaries. These cysts disrupt your bodies ability to ovulate due to the irregular flow of hormones. The hormones can cause male type hair growth, weight gain, depression, irregular periods - clearly it's a party.
Since that time we have been working with my OB to get things right - or more right - and to get me pregnant! This blog will be an outlet for me, and I pray that it is helpful to you. Somedays will be funny, somedays will be sad, there isn't a better way to explain the journey than that. If you are dealing with infertility personally, regardless of what is causing it, I hope this can become a place where you can vent and breathe knowing you aren't alone.
*As you are reading my blog - remember two things: 1. A doctor I am not. My advice only stems from personal experience. Don't give me more credit than I deserve. 2. A grammatical expert I am not. A lot of the time I will be typing from the heart so please try to oversee grammatical errors. ;) I do my best to proof-read.*
About 8 months after we got back together I found out I was pregnant. To say I was terrified is an understatement. I went to my mom, full out sobbing, and told her the news. She, being the amazing person she is, pulled me in told me she loved me and basically said it was time to pull up my big girl panties. ;) The next night I asked Mike to come over because there was something I needed to tell him... I spent that whole day vomitting. I'm not sure if it was nerves or morning sickness. He came over, we were sitting on the couch at my moms, and I dropped the bomb on him.
Before I hit the fast forward button, I will say, he is an AMAZING man. Always by my side, always loving, always supportive, always able to make me laugh, and to ground me. We have been through a good bit in our 8 years together and I thank God everyday for him.. even on the days I want to strangle him ;)
The first time I saw Jake was on a sonogram. He was floating in my belly, sucking his thumb. Mike and I instantly fell in love. All the worry, heartache, and questions just went away. He was our baby, and he was alive inside of me. For me, being pregnant was the most amazing time in my life. My pregnancy was awesome, no complications, no scares - delivery went well and before we knew it, we were parents. Jake has taught me more about myself than anyone ever has. He redefined my purpose in life. God knew what He was doing when He created the bond between mother and child.
So, naturally, several years later when Mike and I were ready for baby #2 we just sort of invisioned it would be so carefree and easy.. After 4 months passed with no positive tests, I began to get the feeling that something wasn't right. I went to my OB for my yearly check-up and told him that we were trying to concieve. He congratulated me, told me not stress, and sent me on my way. When 5 more months passed and still no baby, I called again. I went in to meet with him and he just basically told me to be patient. I will save my love of the word patient for another blog post but just know that isn't a word I like to hear anymore.
After praying about it, and talking to some other women I decided I wanted a 2nd opinion. A friend referred me to her OB who helped her get through "Second child infertility" so I thought I would give it a try. I met my new doctor and instanly adored her. She was concerned and interested and I felt like she genuinely cared. She ordered a bunch of test and we started looking into why "it" wasn't happening. After a few months of being poked and prodded and having my space (mmhmm) thouroughly invaded I got a diagnosis that left me feeling numb. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). She told me there were plenty of options and we began working out a plan. When I got home that day, I did something stupid. I googled PCOS. Not knowing much of anything about it I started doing internet research. Unfortunatly, a lot of my sites weren't exactly fact based. That night, Mike found my crying telling him I was going to be fat, infertile and hairy. PCOS has a lot of side effects, and effects everyone differently but basically, for whatever reason, my body yields a lot of cysts. Particulary around my ovaries. These cysts disrupt your bodies ability to ovulate due to the irregular flow of hormones. The hormones can cause male type hair growth, weight gain, depression, irregular periods - clearly it's a party.
Since that time we have been working with my OB to get things right - or more right - and to get me pregnant! This blog will be an outlet for me, and I pray that it is helpful to you. Somedays will be funny, somedays will be sad, there isn't a better way to explain the journey than that. If you are dealing with infertility personally, regardless of what is causing it, I hope this can become a place where you can vent and breathe knowing you aren't alone.
*As you are reading my blog - remember two things: 1. A doctor I am not. My advice only stems from personal experience. Don't give me more credit than I deserve. 2. A grammatical expert I am not. A lot of the time I will be typing from the heart so please try to oversee grammatical errors. ;) I do my best to proof-read.*